| doesnt feel right |
[Aug. 8th, 2007|11:37 pm] |
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Not that I ever expect to feel any better about my brother dying because I wont. I know that. I accept that. Yet im unsettled. Something isnt right, It doesnt sit well in my stomach. Im in a place of uneasyness. Things dont add up. There are no answers to anything. Including how and why the accident even happend. Im the only one who never got to say goodbye. Everyone else who saw him last said goodbye to him. I never did................. I cant understand or wrap my head around it. My thoughts are like a hurricane in my mind that never ceases to be. Daily I find myself trying to sort out the jumbled mess that has become of my brain. To ask why would be an understatement. Its just not ok............. |
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| 23 |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|01:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Coldplay , Yellow | ] |
Well im 23 today. Dont know how I really feel about it. Cant do anything anyways. Time has been going by so fast. I really need to take some time to enjoy the things that God created in this world. I need to stop being so busy. I need to not work so hard. I need to go back to school. So much to look forward to and so many regrets of things never done in the past. Cant live life based on regrets though. Have to think positive and keep moving forward. One day it will all make sense. Its weird to feel old when your only 23. I dont feel like im 50 I just have the understanding that 18 and 21 are long gone and so is my last grasps of childhood. Something (childhood) I really didnt experience the way I should have. Thats whats sad about getting older is that the chances to do childhood things get further and further. LOVE . Funny how much we crave it as humans. All of our faults, flaws, etc.. seem to be cause of our desire for Love or a form of it. Even something that would be a byproduct of it. Affection............. All of that stuff. So much more to experience I guess. I have so many dreams and hopes. The problem is I have even more fear of it all. Of failing and amounting to nothing worthwhile. Of doing nothing that mattered to lives. I dont want to be one of those people who end up living their lives vicariously through others. I want to experience things for myself too!! God has so much to do in me. Thats what keeps me running everyday. It keeps me alive. Breathing. Know that there is a greater plan and as messed up as I could be something greater than me Loves me and has someting in store for me. I just wish I could take it now and run with it. Not possible though. I guess the best way of ending this post is the way I feel like my life has always been titled never having something concrete to fall back on ever, TO BE CONTINUED................................................ |
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| ??? |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|10:13 am] |
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So i wonder when will it all end? How much longer will I have to endure this? Is it my reason for existance? To suffer sins of others? I dunno............. I hate to make this sound sappy and depressing im just getting really tired and weary of it all thats all. Needed to vent somewhere. |
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| hi |
[Jun. 13th, 2006|11:04 am] |
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i just want to read your guys's stuff. hahahahahah maybe illl post once in a while |
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